tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64006351800532833042023-11-16T11:01:18.873-08:00Be Present...The Butterfly ProjectChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-90207579258426550162013-03-18T11:31:00.000-07:002013-03-18T11:31:25.910-07:00Greatness...How does greatness happen?<br />
How do we become great?<br />
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Today I had a thought and it led me to write this:<br />
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"When you set your mind to "I CAN", No mountain is too high, no river is too wide that you can't masterfully conquer them. When you set your mind to "I CAN'T", No amount of training and preparation will help you succeed. When you conquer your own spirit before you even try...you will fail. When you give yourself permission to succeed, and tell yourself you CAN...you are halfway there. It doesn't remove the need for work and follow through, but it makes all things possible. This year I CAN!!!"<br />
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This has been a year of freedom and embracing the present for me. I want to be present in my own life. I want to come off conqueror. I want to be the master of myself and my own accomplishments and future. I am taking the reigns. For too long I have conquered my own spirit with fear, doubt and disbelief in what I am capable of. But I am great! I CAN! This year...not only CAN I...but I WILL! I AM! This is the present, there is only one present. I spent yesterday and there is no guarantee of tomorrow. I am embracing my life....with all the good, the bad, the ups, the downs, the trials and the joys. This is my life! It is beautiful!<br />
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NOW...Go...<br />
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-5420082023937118712013-03-07T19:30:00.000-08:002013-03-07T19:30:33.905-08:00Growing Pains....<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, Palatino Linotype, Palatino, serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></span>This whole blog ( I have a couple blogs I write when I fancy doing so), but this whole blog has been my journey in becoming. It began at birth, though I didn't start writing then ;) I think I really started embracing the process after losing my mother and 3 short years later, my father. I am becoming these amazing things, I always was, but now purpose and drive are fueling the fire.<br />
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Losing both parents before 40 has made me evaluate many things. I am realizing some of their weaknesses that I just glassed over with Rose Colored lenses. Coupled with this has come the epiphany that I am realizing some of their strengths that I NEVER gave them credit for in this life. I am less hard on others since their loss. And becoming less hard on myself.<br />
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I am breathing more, smelling more roses (Thank you C.T.R... for helping me learn to do that when we were working at EHS for A.V.I.D... I bet you didn't even know the lesson literally stuck, but it did), I am reading more, laughing more, and having spontaneous water fights with my children. I am gardening. I remember endless hours of my mother stooped over some dirt, digging and shoveling, weeding and planting. And I thought, "Good for her, but that will NEVER be for me."<br />
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When she passed she wanted me to promise we would plant sweet peas with the children, and I assured her my Darling Husband would. However when I lost her I seemed to recognize the value of her stooped over, digging and planting. I learned over the last couple of years that when growing gardens, cultivating plants is not the only growth that occurs. As my hands mix the soil, as I water, and watch, prepare and nurture...miracles spring forth. And just like raising our children...some of those seeds don't do just what we want, some take longer to sprout, some refuse to in general and all of them have a mind of their own. There are early bloomers and late bloomers and everything in between.<br />
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Life is full of growing pains. We are experiencing the growing pains that accompany the transition from age 11 to age 12, of hormones, of the onset of puberty... ummm.... this is NOT fun! But it IS part of becoming. As I suffer through these days of fluctuating between being the greatest and worst person in the world (nearly daily) in my daughters eyes, I have gained a new respect for me parents and how beautifully they helped navigate me through those difficult and stretching years. I wish they were here so I could say how many times I was wrong, and how sorry I am. I can see it now far more clearly. Funny how smart our parents often get as we get older. No rose glasses here, I assure you they had as many weaknesses as I do (and the list is long), but the journey in discovering their wisdom has been rewarding too.<br />
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Make it a great day! Only you can!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-22670582433011305342013-01-17T17:52:00.001-08:002013-01-17T17:52:54.951-08:00Little things...Today I had to run by the grocery store to get bandaids. Yesterday's gardening venture was wonderful, but left my broken open blister hurting. While I was there I peeked into the candy isle. I had something in mind and I FOUND IT! AND...it was on sale. My nephew is serving a mission in the Philippines and occasionally he will write home requesting something. Mostly what he asks for are sweet and sour candies which he evidently cannot get there. And the last couple letters he has mentioned how much he loves those strings that are sweet/sour. I was so happy to find them in several flavors. I grabbed several packages. It is such a small thing but sometimes it is the little things that get us through the days. When I get to the end of a hard day a cup of hot chocolate or some herbal tea help melt away the struggles of the day. That is such a little thing too, but it helps so much, makes such a difference. For me, the little things are often the things that matter most, kisses from my children and sweetheart, hugs, milk mustaches, laughter, picnics, music playing in the back ground of my life...all these things add up to the journey...I am grateful for my little journey, in my little piece of heaven.<br />
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Make it a great day! Only YOU can!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-15397693279443743512013-01-16T17:57:00.000-08:002013-01-16T17:57:04.384-08:00A little dirt can clear things up...I have heard all those analogies about how we shouldn't muddy the waters. For example...when I was newly married, my beloved would do something to put me in a rage and I would call my mom. I would vent and she would side with me...I AM her daughter. Then my beloved and I would apologize to each other (yes...I was wrong too)...and soon life was coming up roses again. Except...EXCEPT for one thing. I had muddy waters...my mother was still mad at my beloved. So it would seem that the dirt and the mud of life can really get in the way of our happiness at times.<br />
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But today...the dirt of life made everything clear.<br />
Today the sun was out and I went to my planters. I dug and weeded until I actually got a huge blister in the middle of my hand. I bandaged it, wrapped it with duct tape and continued. Because it felt so good to be outside, out in the sun, out in the dirt. I remember playing for hours in the dirt. Mud pies, mud days, laughter and silliness...all in the dirty back yard. <br />
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In this world where "digging up dirt" means stirring a pot of trouble, and slinging mud means saying mean things (often lies) about the opposition... it was a nice contrast today to dig up some dirt. It is the only kind of dirt I wish to dig up. The dirt of my past and the pasts of anyone else...I am happy to leave that dirt buried deep in the soil of yesterday. But to prepare the earth with my hands, to get something read to grow, to become...that was just the medicine I needed today! For me, a little dirt cleared things up, cleaned out the cobwebs of my mind and started getting me thinking about spring and beginnings. So I hope that sometime soon you get to dig up some of the dirt that actually helps something grow. It might even brighten your day, elevate your mood and change you in amazing ways.<br />
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Make it a great day! Only YOU can!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-57756114963301504932013-01-15T21:58:00.002-08:002013-01-15T21:58:48.411-08:00My Blogs and My life...My blogs and my life go in cycles. I have good days and bad days. I have days I write and days I don't. Then there are the times where months go by. Of course like anyone...my life has continued. The mundane and the extraordinary all roll by. I have learned a lot about myself through the Butterfly Project. Gratitude changes things. This year I have watched gratitude change me. I am more aware of the little things that people do. Especially, I am aware of my husband and my children. The more grateful I have been the more blessed I have felt and that is another beautiful offspring of gratitude. So even though in some ways this was one of my more difficult years in life...I would not trade 2012...because I learned so much about who I am and who I want to be. I most definitely want to be a more grateful person. To all those that participate with me, whether you wrote one letter or twelve...thank you for taking the journey with me. The road to growth and discovery is always easier to travel when friends walk with you. <br />
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For 2013 my goal is to free myself of the baggage of past hurts, sadness and personal lose and grow from the trials of my past (recent and distant). Any takers? My one word for 2013 is Freedom. I love that Freedom goes with the Butterfly Project. And I will be continuing letters of gratitude in this coming year. I hope you will join me.<br />
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Make it a great year...Only YOU can!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-19043226518151380272012-08-30T07:44:00.001-07:002012-08-30T07:44:29.924-07:00Fabulous and Forty...I am not a size 6 like I was in high school...<br />
I don't weigh anywhere close to 117 pounds like I did in 1990 when I went to Prom.<br />
I don't have a PHD.<br />
I haven't invented anything or made my first million...<br />
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But as my birthday, my 40th birthday started to roll closer and closer with momentum I couldn't help but reflect on my first 40 years on this earth. I hope to have 40 more, or 60 more if I am blessed with that many.<br />
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I am happy in my skin...and yes I will take the wrinkles and stretch marks...I earned every one. I don't feel old. Though at night I do feel tired. I waste and wear out my life loving people not things. I can't think of a better life and I wouldn't want it any other way. If I made more money I would travel more...but not the go to Jamaica and Hawaii kind of travel. I would plan trips to see extended family and dear friends because that is where I gather the most joy and the best memories.<br />
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Early on in our marriage we discussed what kind of trips, what kind of memories we wanted for our children. Our trips have almost always included extended family. And when my two year old begs to go see his Uncle D (whom he is named after) that lives an airplane ride away...I confess it makes me smile. Moments and memories mean so much more than momentos and vacation destinations. I am grateful for an incredible culmination of fabulous memories. <br />
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I live for family reunions and dinner with friends. I love notes in the mail...both sent and received. I don't believe you can say "I Love You" too much to anyone and if you are remotely close to me I have told you I love you. But I want you to know it isn't tongue in cheek. If I say it, I mean it! <br />
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I have learned in my 40 years that life is too short...often! And I need to live in a way that if I didn't wake up tomorrow there would be no significant people in my life questioning my love for them. Believe me, I do see my own weaknesses and know that there are some ways I could do better at this. But I do believe I have made great efforts in that regard...especially with the Butterfly Project where I have written almost 60 letters to family so far. I have many more letters to write in the future!<br />
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I have learned that life is beautiful. Yes there is tragedy, sorrow and illness. But there is also JOY, Laughter, happiness, hugs, kisses...and LOVE!<br />
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I count myself among the most blessed on this planet. I love myself...imperfections and all! My butterfly wings are wet, and I am still gaining strength and momentum...but I have never flown higher, never been better than right now. So as for today...my 40th birthday...it is going to be fabulous...because I choose for it to be!<br />
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Changing the world...One letter and moment at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-73732387633154007332012-08-28T10:46:00.001-07:002012-08-28T10:46:36.980-07:00Little Feet...Since I started this interval training... link here---> <a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml">Cool Running 5K Training</a> with this <a href="http://www.djsteveboy.com/1day25k.html">Music (Podrunner interval beat Music)</a> which has free downloadable music to train for a 5K...I have been very aware of my FEET. I have been aware of where they take me, and how they can carry me ten more running steps when I feel like I will colapse. Also I have been careful where I walk and step so as not to injury them. As I have set this goal and determined to be a <a href="http://becomingthebutterflyproject.blogspot.com/2012/08/i-wannnnttt-to-be-finisher.html">FINISHER</a> I have seen more than changes in myself. And I am learning things that I did NOT anticipate learning.<br />
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I have a son that is so persistent that he does not EVER relent! EVER!!! So when he asks for Scooby-Doo about 400 times a day, I confess I give in (sometimes). The other day he would not give in. He wanted GRAPES. He had already had two handfuls. Really, I don't know why I was resisting. They are grapes. There really isn't a down side, at least in the quantities we were dealing with. I looked at my determined 2 (almost 3) year old and in a questioning voice said, "You're a finisher aren't you? You don't quit until you get what you want? You don't give up, do you?" He said, "No, I'm a finisher!" He smiled so proud. But he didn't have a clue what that meant except that I was stretching out a bowl of grapes to him and that he SUCCEEDED. <br />
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But this one little interaction really got me thinking. What if our words changed EVERYTHING? Those little feet have watched me the last week, have listened to me, have heard me TALK about being a finisher. What if saying I was a finisher everyday helped MAKE me a finisher? What if it helped make my children finishers? And if that is true the possibilities are ENDLESS!!! I could be a seamstress (always wanted to be), a quilter, a writer, and Drum ROLL... ORGANIZED! That is a life long goal and it flutters in front of me. But why? Why is the thought or reality of being organized so elusive? Is it possibly that I say, to myself and others, I am a slob, I am a pack rat (if only I had a dollar for every time my mother said this), I have never been organized, my room growing up was a pig sty...etc, etc, etc. <br />
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What we ARE is not always what we DO. What we DO is not always WHO we are. I have started asking my children what they want to DO when they grow up. Because what I want them to BE is <a href="http://becomingthebutterflyproject.blogspot.com/2012/08/little-things.html">kind</a>, just, <a href="http://becomingthebutterflyproject.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-matters-most.html">compassionate</a>, honest, gentle, true, sincere, faithful! They can BE all those things no matter what they DO. I am becoming the butterfly. The sweet buttefly was ever elusive, fluttering in front of me, in view, but out of grasp. She was out of reach, but always what I wanted. Well, not anymore. <a href="http://becomingthebutterflyproject.blogspot.com/2012/08/thank-you-to-cherie-call.html">I am the butterfly</a>, my wings are fresh and still a little wet. I am learning to fly faster, father. The journey is amazing. I am also organized. Mind you that given a month, year and decade I will be even more organized than I am today. Because nothing happens unless we DO something. When we DO nothing, we get nothing. When we DO something, we get something. I am going to be more selective about what I DO because I have a clearer vision of what I want to BE! I hope you are enjoying your journey to becoming. If you don't like where you are going...change course!<br />
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Changing the world...One letter and FOOT at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-50697010158592324802012-08-21T10:11:00.002-07:002012-08-21T10:11:41.763-07:00If at first...Remember that saying we grew up with...<br />
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!<br />
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If falls in line with a number of other phrases my grandparents used to rattle off. The old adages were passed down to my mother...and they seeped into my brain. Even though I swore they wouldn't.<br />
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A stitch in time saves nine.<br />
A penny saved is a penny earned.<br />
Mind the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.<br />
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.<br />
Don't cry over spilt milk.<br />
You can't tell a book by its cover.<br />
Worry never did anyone any good.<br />
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I still remember them, and sometimes rattle them off to my own children because often they RING TRUE! <br />
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There is one that doesn't settle in, and it's because I KNOW it isn't true is...at least for me.<br />
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You can't teach an old dog new tricks.<br />
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Well, next week is my 40th birthday. I remember when I was 10. Can you think back then? Maybe it wasn't so long ago for you...or maybe it was a little longer than it is for me. Either way, when I was 10...my 40th birthday seemed a million years away. I mean forty was OLD! Not just old, really OLD. Ok, not REALLY old, my grandparents were REALLY OLD...they were in their 60's. But my mother was almost in her 40's when I was 10 and my dad was already there...and it seemed OLD. I wondered if I would ever even reach 40. Now as I look back I realize that the adage TIME stands still for no man is true as well. The years have rolled along, one after the other, almost seeming to gain momentum. Although that isn't scientifically possible...right?<br />
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Regardless 40 has nearly arrived and I have received some teasing and jeers from my darling honey and other men that say... you are SOOO old in jesting tones. But in all sincerity, I don't feel old. I feel tired some days. My body feels the occasional (and getting less occasional every year) pains and aches that come with aging. But I feel great. I feel happy in my skin (although I am grateful to be doing some things to make my body shrink a little). I will never be 20 again! And the truth be told I don't want to be...the BEST years of my life were after 26...after my darling husband...then after 28, 30, 32, 34, and 36...my five blessings. I will likely never weigh 117 again and frankly I don't want to. I have no interest in bones sticking out. And the skin from 5 babies would be SOOOO unattractive on a 117 pound woman ;) A nice slightly rounded, curvy 140 will be just fine with me thanks. I am getting closer to that...and speaking of that brings me to my point...<br />
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One thing I have learned is...<br />
YOU CAN TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS...<br />
Or maybe a better observation is... AN OLD DOG can <b><i>LEARN</i></b> new tricks!<br />
I am learning to be more patient. I am learning to be more grateful! I am learning to love myself, my body, my life...right where I am at. I am not an author or a marriage counselor as I had once hoped to become. I don't have my parents here in the flesh cheering me on as I had wished. But then again, I have truly learned NOT to cry over spilt milk! What is the point? I can be those things still in the future. If I have the years on this earth that my posterity had...there is plenty of time to still be an author, a counselor...or both. But regardless of whether I do these things or whether life course corrected my dreams and put me on different but beautiful paths...the truth is what matters most is all around me. I have the love of family and friends...and frankly, I LOVE MYSELF. My cheering squad has never been bigger or louder! Yes, that little ugly voice from childhood tries to sneak up on me and tell me that I am not pretty enough, tall enough or smart enough. But when that happens now, I RUN...and I stomp out that little voice with every step. <br />
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This OLD dog has learned some very powerful and very healing new tricks. And it feels great!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter, thought, step at a time!<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-5386560139059109802012-08-18T10:48:00.002-07:002012-09-15T16:34:57.627-07:00I WANNNNTTT To be a FINISHER!I read a blog post this year from someone that talked about wanting to be a finisher. I know it was a friend that wrote it (at least I believe it was...) but I read a lot of blogs and I can't pin down which friend. But here is a shout out to them.. THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION! I have thought about that post many times over the past months. I have a pile of 10 books on my night stand. Books on parenting, relationships, schooling, self esteem, self government. I am <strike>notorious</strike> famous for buying books. Unfortunately I am infamous for NOT finishing them. Don't get me wrong, I finish many, many books. But they are usually either the Scriptures (over and over), the most recent fiction series I am working on or Dr. Suess. The self help books appeal to me on so many levels. But the follow through...the <u>sealing</u> of the deal often seems to be a struggle.<br />
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So reading this blog post from a fellow peer and contemporary that struggles with the same passion for things and the ever illusive closure inspired me to want to do better. But that was it...I wanted to. My mom used to say, "Set Goals! Write them down! Work for them. If you don't write it down it is only a wish." <br />
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This led to a huge personal challenge. I wanted to finish something. Not just something but goals, my goals for 2012. They have grown as the year has past. Some have changed shape, but the progress is thrilling. The Butterfly Project was the beginning of the changes for me this year. A good 60 letters into the project I have learned a great deal. I am far from my goal. And whether I have a writing marathon or spill my goal over into 2013 I feel so grateful for all I have gained and shared from this project. I have people close to me and some I have met solely through the project writing me about the amazing and inspiring experiences they have had with becoming more grateful and expressing it. I have had people whose letters were not received in the spirit they were shared, and I hurt with them over the notion. But I assure you all...the biggest (and most valuable) change comes from within, not externally. The Project is intended to cultivate the BUTTERFLY in YOU! If in the process you reach, lift, change, help, inspire and cultivate a Butterfly in someone else that is just Icing On The Cake! I KNOW this was inspiration for me to take and extend the challenge to express our gratitude to loved ones.<br />
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My next goal this year was to run a 5K. This is a new goal that I set in July. I could walk a 5K. I have walked on and off for many years. So walking really wasn't that big of a challenge to me. But living with my runner husband and having NEVER run in my life, I have always dreaded it. Then, when my mom died my sister "became" a runner. She just DID IT! I remember thinking, "Great for her! But I could never do that, even if I wanted to." Is anyone else <strike>self depricating</strike> hard on themselves like that? <br />
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The past two years I have had the opportunity to attend our youth group's girls camp. The first year as a cabin mom and this year as a camp photographer. The experience really was life changing. Camp is where I truly started believing I COULD do difficult things! They have a ropes course that is strung between telephone poles. One climbs a pole (believe me they ARE higher than they look) and with climbing gear on (just in case) does one of a few options, walks across a rope with hanging ropes every few feet to assist you across, jumps from a platform to catch a trapeze bar, or walks across a rope balancing and holding another rope strung from pole to pole at chest height as an aide to get you across. NONE of this is easy. But it isn't meant to be. The experience is call High Cope. When things are hard, when we feel like we are at the end of our rope, when life gets challenging (and it will, over and over again) the experience is to teach the girls that they can work through it! They can COPE with the hard challenges that are sure to face them in life. With dozens of cheerleaders on the ground they succeed! And the crowd goes wild, we scream and we shout at the accomplishment. BELIEVE me, it IS an accomplishment. This year I slayed a giant. Last year I missed the trapeze bar, thank heaven for the JUST IN CASE gear. But this year I DID IT! Getting back up on the horse so to speak and conquering the fear was nothing short of exhilarating.<br />
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Something has switched in my brain and I gathered my children together recently. We talked and I told them, "I have been hearing the word 'can't' a lot at our house lately. I want it to stop." But what a hypocrite I was. I didn't say, "I can't run a 5K" outloud. I would very unlikely say anything like that in front of the children. But I whispered it to one of the most important people in my life all the time...ME! <br />
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So this week I turned over a NEW LEAF! I <b><u>CAN</u></b> run a 5K. It WON'T be easy. But that is ok, because I have learned that I <b><u>CAN</u></b> cope, I <b><u>CAN</u></b> do hard things, I <b><u>CAN</u></b> complete my goals. AND I DID complete week ONE of the training for a couch to 5K. Week ONE down, 9 more to go. WOW, I am 10% of the way there already. There is one thing I Can't do... I Can't wait to complete this goal. My goal is written down, my plan is set. I have a cheering section. Watch out world... I am going to be a finisher yet!<br />
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Here are the links to:<br />
<a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml">Couch to 5K (Cool Running)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.djsteveboy.com/1day25k.html">Podrunner Intervals</a><br />
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Changing the world...One LETTER/ONE Goal at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-78869458254718611642012-08-05T09:27:00.000-07:002012-08-05T09:28:11.751-07:00Some Wind Beneath My Wings...Yesterday I felt deflated as I headed to the hospital to make the switch with my husband. Our 2 (almost 3) year old has been there since Friday afternoon. A mother just "knows" and Friday when he said he was sick after a couple of hours I knew some symptoms just weren't right. After a few minutes at the doctor's office the nurse practitioner called for an ambulence and we headed to the closest hospital with a Pediatric Unit. It felt like a blur and I cried...this was new territory for us. We have never had a "real" emergency like this. We have had a sick kid in the night, and an occassional swallowing of foreign objects that needed to be retrieved (Scary stuff for sure). But this was different and I can't really put the fear and concern into words.<br />
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By God's grace he was stabled fairly quickly in hind sight. I am grateful for that tender mercy. I am also grateful that he only whimpered a little with the insertion of the I.V. and all the blood work. He has been quite a trooper. There has been an outpouring of love, faith, prayers, concern and help from my family...and the close friends...who really are an extension of my family. Times like this elevate my trust in the human race, and really speak about whom in our life is really there for us... I am filled with love, help, and kindness...both in acts and offerings. I feel blessed beyond measure. <br />
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However, on the way to the hospital yesterday my faith and trust waned a little. In the past two weeks I have attended two funerals of dearly loved ones. I felt the flood gates and wanted to just ask why. At that notion I had a thought to turn on my husband's CD player and in it was a CD with speakers from a recent Conference for our church. The words rang out so true...everyone of us in this life will have trials, disappointment, hurt, sorrow, pain, tragedy, tribulation. The test is not what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us. Then the words to go forth in faith, trusting and believing (just what I was teetering back and forth to muster and struggling with). I literally laughed outloud at God's perfect message and the even more perfect timing. I didn't have to surf through all the talks on that CD...just in the moment of need and hurt, the words poured into my soul the very minute I obeyed the prompting to turn on the radio. I think now about how differently my day would have gone if I hadn't heeded the voice in my head, if I had not turned on the radio, or if I had ignored the inclination to listen to the CD and just hit the country station. For me this is a lesson that in life there are many answers just around the corner, but we often have to decide to turn the corner. I am so grateful for the answers, and even more grateful that I was listening for and received them. They truly were the wind beneath my wings. Thank you in advance for all the prayers and love!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-10565615473749305062012-08-02T21:07:00.000-07:002012-08-03T09:29:54.408-07:00Little things...My sister HH and her Besties L & R totally inspired me this year with L's Birthday wish for people to do Random Acts of Kindness in her honor. It was so fun to follow these 3 women that were celebrating L with kindness. The first time I heard of this was when my friend D.W. sent me a link about a woman that did 40 acts of kindness ON her 40th birthday with the help of family. What an amazing and cool way to celebrate her life! L put a spin on that when she got others participating too. And the PAY IT FORWARD feel of it all continues.<br />
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So although mine are not all "Random", I committed to myself to perform 40 acts of kindness as I rapidly anticipate the pending 40th Birthday. As a note...I am NOT one of those women that dreads this monument. All my life I heard the dread of the 40th Birthday cross the lips of almost any woman I knew that was approaching that milestone. I feel honored to reach 40! I hope it is only a half way or even 40% mark. I hope there is an entire life time or lifetime and a half left ahead of me. I feel I have earned every year, wrinkle, and MEMORY. The memories and the relationships I have gained in this 40 year span are my riches and I feel incredibly blessed.</div>
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Last night I took my little ones (all 5!) to Cold Stone for icecream. We had some vouchers so no money even changed hands...that place can be a little spendy. The boy (maybe 19 years old) at the counter finished helping us and was just watching the children all sitting with their icecream, very happy. He said (but not in the regular condesending tone...in a very sweet and unfamiliar voice)...So you have five children? The next comment made me smile... "How do you do it?" </div>
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I told him what has been true for me. The hardest change I made was going from one child to two children. After that there are so many hands that help each other, and love each other. You just do it. </div>
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He then noted that they were so lucky to have each other. This young man had two siblings and he was outwardly grateful for them. Genuinely he pronounced... "This is the greatest asset of your life to have a large family. They will always have each other, always be able to help you, always be friends." </div>
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As we left he helped me tape a voucher to the icecream window and I told him about the Random Acts of Kindness. He was intrigued and thought it was cool. The children said goodbye and he told them, "You all take care of your mom, you be good to her."</div>
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I felt that warm feeling inside, the kind when the Spirit confirms to you that you are where you should be, doing what you should be doing. This young man had no idea what a Random Act of Kindness his words and observations were. But for the last 5 years since adding #4 son, and #5 son I have had the most sceptical looks, and down right rude comments. His encouragement and praise of our growing family warmed me through. It is also a tribute to his parents, and the marvelous job they did raising such an incredible son. It really is the little things that matter most!</div>
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!</div>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-9133731487357535522012-08-01T21:41:00.000-07:002012-08-01T21:44:16.803-07:00Thank you to Cherie Call...I loved this sweet video from Cherie Call. It's titled "Already a Butterfly" and it is so true. We sometimes want so much to be this or that, but we are often already a Butterfly. I am thankful for the "butterflies" in my life that keep me going on a daily basis. Hope you enjoy this!<br />
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*As an update...my facebook break has brought revelations. I am a social being. Not everyone is, but I confess, I am. People, not just the ones in my home or my family of origin...but many people with their lives, love, trials, triumphs...they keep me going. They give me courage, they lift me and they provide the wind my butterfly wings need to sail, to soar! So after my little fast I will be right back on facebook. I will be connecting with people I love, posting notes, checking on others and being social. It is what THIS butterfly is. And I am realizing it is ok to be ME. With that said, I have also learned moderation from this exercise and it is always good to be reminded of that.<br />
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Thank you Ethel for the link for this video...as you knew I would...I LOVE IT!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-46070045604250678962012-07-31T22:45:00.000-07:002012-07-31T22:46:27.542-07:00Time Heals...The Butterfly Project has been one of the many vehicles I have used to help my heart heal from the loss of both of my parents. This week my beloved friends lost their: Husband, Father, Brother, Uncle, Grandpa. My head hurts tonight from the many tears shed today. But as I drove the dreaded grid lock freeway this evening with one child in tote for carpool and company to attend the viewing of this beloved man, this giant among men...giant in love, spirituality and all godly and good traits you could hope for in a man... I was so very grateful to be part of it all. I was grateful to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stood in need of comfort. I found that as I did, the miracle that occurred was I felt comforted. I felt the healing that has been slowing taking place since losing my mother 1st, and then later my father...I felt it taking place with each hug and with each word I uttered. Isn't that the most tender mercy...the kindest gift from heaven, that as we reach outward, he heals us inwardly! I am so thankful. There are still tears in my eyes...but I am filled with gratitude...they are tears of gratitude. I love this sweet family...they are an extension of me. And I very much think of them as my brothers and sisters in Christ. May the Spirit lift and elevate them this week so they can meet the loafty task of laying this noble man's body to rest.<br />
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We are changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-47914278101180999362012-07-29T21:49:00.002-07:002012-09-15T16:34:27.912-07:00Family...it's about timeToday was filled with family and extended family. I also found this awesome thing called a genealogy fan. It has my genealogy on both my parents sides for nine generations including me. It's colorful too! I love it. So this is day 2 without facebook. I didn't think that totally through, I should have collected emails...since some of my daily contact happens through messaging on facebook with friends/family. So I did cheat a wee bit and send a message through facebook. But I didn't do any "Facebooking", lurking, facebook surfing, or facebook time wasting...which was my actual goal. I mean this IS my present to MYSELF :) So although the OCD was killing me today, I feel like it was a victory. I also boiled down some chickens to make Chicken and Dumplings! Yum! Can't wait, mouth is watering already! Dinner was fabulous too. Sweet Darling husband made bell peppers and onions with seasoning in the cast iron skillet on his new grill. I am so thankful for a husband that cooks. <br />
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My news for the day is I am taking a plunge! I am going to do the Couch to 5K training. I am super excited. Here is the Link for <a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml">Couch to 5K</a>~ and <a href="http://www.djsteveboy.com/1day25k.html">PodRunner </a>(the free beat music I downloaded that follows the interval training for the <a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml">Couch to 5K</a>!) Thanks to my friend V.F. for the help, guidance and advice! Hope you enjoy...<br />
Changing the World...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-72069424926385154292012-07-28T15:26:00.000-07:002012-07-28T15:38:36.986-07:00The difference a day makes...*Check out my Side Ticker to follow my 40 Acts of Love I am doing in celebration of my Birthday...feel free to join me!<br />
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The Butterfly Project has been about change. It is the hope of brightening others through appreciation, but I also believe that gratitude elevates the individual that expresses it. I found myself so curious about keeping track of my friends that 1-2 hours a day I wasn't even living. I was following up on friends lives. So Day ONE of no facebook has been good for me. I think I am having withdrawls, but that is ok. I woke up this morning, checked email and walked away from the computer. <br />
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A friend and I visited another friend in need and took her some dinner. It felt so good to reach out and help someone. I hope to do many acts of kindness during my facebook fast. Upon returning home I cleaned my guest room in anticipation of a brother in law's visit, followed by a niece's visit. I am excited for the company from both of them. I want TIME! So this fast has bought back time for me. Time to clean, play, read for myself, read to my "baby" (he's almost 3!), organize (heaven knows the need for that never ends), and get my life on track. I am not saying that my facebook activity is the whole cause of something falling behind. But I clearly could do better with some of my time. So far day ONE is going well. Back to the grind. And tonight...a long needed catch up of the last two weeks events with my hubby. I love our long talks. He has been working like crazy. It will be nice to RE-Connect! Can't wait. Happy Saturday! Hope you are relishing every minute of your life!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-38058788225768129112012-07-28T01:20:00.000-07:002012-07-28T01:22:06.470-07:00What matters most...Today I was on my way out the door. The phone rang and the number had no name attached. I didn't recognize it and I had places to go. Normally I would not even answer. But I had "a feeling", so I picked up the call. It was a sweet sister from my church congregation. Her dog had what she thought was a stroke. Later we found out that likely it was a brain tumor. After waiting for her son to join us at the vet, the decision was made to put their sweet puppy to rest. It was tearful. I hugged and comforted my friend as she gave her nearly 16 year old dog this last act of love and mercy. And there I stood, grateful that I had picked up the phone. I had answered the call. <br />
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There are things in this world that don't matter, there are things we think matter...then there are the things that MATTER MOST. My family I am raising and my family of origin matter so much to me. The busy things of the world sometimes pulls me off course a tad. It is like playing at the beach...you get so lost in the surf and the waves that when you look up, you are shocked to find you are a football field away from your home plate. Today, this tender moment with a friend made me realize it was time to ground myself again. It was time to plant my feet solid in the ground of what matters MOST. <br />
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So for my 4oth birthday which is swiftly approaching...I am giving myself a gift. For the next 40 days I am going to focus on the things that matter most to me. Obviously the first thing that matters most to me is my family. I love them. Sometimes we "feel" connected when really we are not connected. So I unplugged for the next 40 days from my virtual world, so that I can firmly plug in to the REAL world. I am hoping that those closest to me in BOTH worlds will remain so. My great desire is to renew my spirit, to learn about myself, to laugh with my children, to finish some things that have needed finishing and to find JOY in the moments. I plan to take pictures with my camera and my heart. I may or may not write about this 40 day journey as I go. Because writing is not what matters MOST. Though I do love it, and if I find it helps me in this journery then I won't be as much of a stranger to this blog as I was the past couple of months as I dealt with the one year mark of my father's death. <br />
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Losing so many that I love has been a brash reminder that LIFE is SHORT! And we need to spend MORE TIME on What Matters MOST!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-56475986759788184852012-07-19T08:23:00.000-07:002012-07-19T08:23:50.429-07:00Blessings and tears...This morning I feel SO blessed! In January I began a project called The Butterfly Project. It had a semi-selfish motive. I hoped it would help me heal from the death of my parents (they passed away 3 1/2 years apart...and I'm not even 40 yet). Experiencing the grief that accompanies that kind of loss, I wanted to do something that would lift my spirits. My mom always taught us children that gratitude can elevate you. After prayerful consideration, I began to cultivate The Butterfly Project. Currently I have over 400 people participating. That is four hundred people writing twelve letters of gratitude to people that have helped change their lives. (For anyone on Facebook the event is: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/125888710861616/">Facebook: The Butterfly Project Event</a> if anyone wants to check it out. We would love to have you join us!)<br />
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This week I had the wonderful opportunity to have one of my posts published on a popular Women's Blog: Time Out For Women. Here is a link if you would like to check it out. I would love to hear what you think about it if you do. The article is called <a href="http://tofw.com/story/629-365-ways-to-say-thanks">365 Ways To Say Thank You</a>. And you can find it on the <a href="http://tofw.com/story/629-365-ways-to-say-thanks">Time Out For Women Blog</a>. I went into this with the hope of becoming more grateful and helping others feel my gratitude. Ironically I hoped it would change other peoples lives...but what I found is that more than anything it has changed my life. Please join me and The Butterfly Project and find out for yourself the amazing POWER of gratitude!</div>
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For those of you that are reading this and have joined me, those that are my family and friends...Thank you! Thank you for your love, support, encouragement and help through the many tears that accompany loss. I love you for it. I have cried with many of you as we have shared grief. But I have also been so blessed by all my parents brought and left in this world. I miss them, but they have cultivated an attitude of gratitude in my heart that can never be extinguished and their love lives on. I look forward to a marvelous reunion with them one day. Until then, I hope our loving Heavenly Father gives them a glimpse of The Butterfly Project and the good they are STILL doing through their children and grandchildren.</div>
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We truly are changing the world...ONE letter at a time!</div>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-42515609329820244202012-05-24T17:57:00.001-07:002012-05-24T18:03:57.739-07:00Hard work and patience pays off...In our home we have a family mission statement, a vision statement, a family quote, fight song and motto. My children created these with some help and guidance from me. But it is fun when we recite them and one will say, "That is my part." Part of our family vision is "hard work and practice will prepare us for the rest of our lives. The rest of our lives starts today. Carpe Diem...Sieze the day!" <br />
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Gardening is a great analogy for life. Typically you get out of it what you put into it. The storms can sometimes come and destory everything. When this happens you just have to sweep the debrie up and replant. <br />
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One of my T.F.F.'s (D.P.) taught me a couple years ago about growing potatoes. I tried to grow them last year and got a few. But this year I took all of her advice. I planted four sprouting potatoes. I planted them at the bottom of a 5 gallon tree bucket (the nursery kind) with the bottom cut out. I secured the bucket a few inches in to the ground and I planted the 4 potatoes with some dirt on top. When they grew about 8 inches I covered the bottom 4 inches and continued to do this until there was dirt to the TOP of the bucket. Those potatoe plants still grew about another 3 feet. They reached toward heaven and grew and grew. They finally bloomed and bloomed these beautiful little flowers and then the flowers died. During this time I watered and watered. And...I Collected off the snails. For whatever reason snails LOVE potatoe plants. I did my part and they did theirs. I might have been slightly premature but yesterday I harvested. I had a large bowl of potatoes. Half of those potatoes were prepared this morning for a pot of potatoe soup. <br />
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Life is a lot like growing potatoes. It takes a lot of work and effort. We must give it constant care. Sometimes we have to remove the snails of life so they don't eat us up, leave gaping holes in us, or tear us apart. We always grow better in good soil. Healthy living, eating, and service make us florish. Bad company, criticism and poor life choices can shrivel us just like a potatoe plant that has been infested with snails. <br />
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Today the hard work and patience of growing potatoes paid off. The reward was sweet. I want a life that is as sweet, smooth and delicious as my potatoe soup. Sometimes I can't control the "smooth", but I have power over the sweet and the delicious...you see those ingredients of life are choices on my part.<br />
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What kind of life do you want? My potatoe soup life is Beautiful if I don't say so myself.<br />
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Interested in trying my potatoe soup? <br />
Start with 8 cups of water in a pot. Add 7 chicken bouillon cubes in an additional cup of hot water until dissolved and add to the pot. Turn up the heat. I used about 10 medium potatoes (I took a new sponge and cleaned mine well since they just came out of my soil). Some like to peel them, others don't. Chop up an onion (or half if you aren't as big a fan as me). Add all this together in a large pot and boil until potatoes are soft. Start the seasoning process. Have fun with it. I added about 2 tsp of parsley, some sea salt, a little pepper and some no salt (costco brand). Add 2 cups of half and half to water and turn heat down. Then take about 1 c hot water and mixed in 1/2 c flour. Mix until there are no lumps and slowly add to pot while stirring continuously. Once you get all this boiling down add 5 medium chopped carrots (I diced mine in little squares), 1 can cream corn, 1 can (drained) regular corn. Stir pretty regularly so the bottom doesn't burn. Then turn on low, or off. (I forgot to add the butter...and it was just fine...so I say leave it out...but if you are a butter fan the recipe called for 1 c butter.) I served it with cheese on top, salad on the side, and yummy Costco Rosemary bread. Delish!!!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-67733872801837194062012-05-23T08:48:00.000-07:002012-05-23T22:32:52.442-07:00The Forest OR the Trees...You know that old saying... They can't see the forest for the trees? Years ago I used it and one of my children inquired about the meaning. So here is the best description I found online (actually two that I combined.)<br />
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It is meant as an analogy and really has NOTHING to do with forests or trees. The point is that I am sometimes so focused on the small things (trees), the details, the trials or challenges, or even...THE BUSY WORK in life, that I can't see the Big Picture (Forest)...the vision, the plan, the goal, the eternal destination of my life. Can anyone relate?<br />
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This was me recently...<br />
In my great desire to reach out and make a difference this year I created The Butterfly Project. This project was meant to get people REACHING OUT. I have received some of the most amazing letters from people that have done just that. Interestingly enough some anticipated the promise I make at the end of each Butterfly Project blog post: We are changing the world...ONE letter at a time. Where did they anticipate this change...in others. They expected that hearts would melt, soften or be touched by the letters. In many cases this has been spot on. Hearts have softened and relationships have deepened. But often that has not been the case. Still some reported change inspite of that. So where did the change occur? Transformation took place within. The birth of this idea accompanied a quote I discovered by Ghandi: You must be the change you wish to see in the world. <br />
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I began this project with a not so altruistic goal in mind. But I did HAVE a goal, and I still DO! My goal was to be less selfish, more grateful, less judgmental, more praising, less critical, more uplifting. Do I believe that ME changing in my little corner of the world can make a difference? Yes, YES, <b>Y E S</b>...I DO!!! Why? How? I have thought of these questions over and over again. I have an answer for you. I truly believe in the power of ONE! I believe that ONE life can change the world, or at least a part of the world, a large part of the world. <br />
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My grandfather was a carpenter. He was a gentle spirit and an amazing man. I love him and still miss him (missing that has been going on nearly 26 years). When he was 17 he probably should have died in a major car accident. His neck was broken, the car was a pile of rubble. When help finally arrived on the dirt country road he sat up, held his head together and told them his name, then passed out, or so I am told. We are talking 1929. He missed school, graduated late and was never allowed to serve in the military. We all know now of the war that ensued. So maybe, just maybe that accident that everyone cursed was really a tender mercy. His brother "Worry Wart" as I know him, didn't come home from the war. Call it divine intervention, call it fate, or destiny...call it what you will. What I KNOW is that my grandfather went on to marry my grandmother. They have 4 children, but two died full term because of Rh factor. It is a miracle that my mother lived, she was the second child and her brother and she both have positive blood. For anyone that knows the ins and outs of Rh factor they understand that this meant NO blood from my grandma's first birth crossed over, or my mother could not have survived. Today Rh factor is a moot point. Anyone with access to modern medicine takes a rather painful shot (I know) and that is about the end of it. Thank heaven for modern medicine and for the tender mercies that brought my grandfather through the jaws of death, and saved my mother from the jaws of death. <br />
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When my mother died we filled a church. But it didn't begin to represent the lives she touched. She was an elementary school librarian for 18 years. She LOVED books, loved reading, loved children. In the years she was there she would go out of her way to memorize children's names. Contests ensued for rewards based on reading and she lit up the room with stories read allowed. Often she stayed late and without pay, filing so that while the children were there...she was PRESENT. She was available and able to fully influence these precious minds. To say that she influenced 14,000 children over the years is a conservative estimate. This is an ordinary woman like me. But she really wasn't ordinary to anyone that knew her...to them she was extraordinary. To me, she was the world. And living in the world without her has been very difficult. <br />
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This has lead to my epiphany. Mother's Day has become one of the most bittersweet days of my life. I have the supernal joy of five little ones, and the shadow of mom's absense. I vaccilate between the two. With the depressed state I let myself get into the past couple of weeks I just kind of checked out. My house swam in the chores I didn't do. My husband is so patient and knows that I usually shake it off by June and saying something does not make matters better. So he silently walked around me doing all he could (likely on egg shells). Then I started delving into a book my T.F.F. Ethel told me about. Here is a link to it <a href="http://teachingselfgovernment.com/book-parenting-house-united-changing-childrens-hearts-and-behaviors-teaching-self-government">Teaching Self Government by Nicholeen Peck</a>. I am only a couple chapters into the book but I have had to ask myself some hard questions...<br />
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What is my family vision?<br />
Where do I see myself in 20 years?<br />
Where do I see my kids?<br />
What kind of feeling do I want in our home?<br />
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I don't want to focus on the "trees of my life" anymore. For me it is going to be about the Forest. The big picture. And all the little things I used to worry about, I am going to learn to let go. The only little things I need to focus on now are the little things that lead to my Big Picture. Because the only way to eat an elephant is a bite at a time. And the only way to reach my 20 year vision of what I want my life to be like in 2032 is one bite at a time.<br />
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What conclusion did I come to? I watch too much T.V. I do too much facebook. I check too many emails. And I might even spend too much time blogging. I am not sure about that one, and I may keep this blogging thing as my last string to connect me to the "real world." But the REAL WORLD I want is a happy home and that world is NOT as elusive or imaginary as "the World" makes it out to be. On Sunday one of the speakers in our congregation said, "How do children spell love? T.I.M.E." So I won't be as frequently on Facebook, emails, Pinterest or the likes. I will pop in and out...but I am going to connect to the people who MY CHANGE can effect the VERY MOST. Why? Because when I am dead someday, I want my children to feel like I was a huge part of their world...and without me there is a hole. I hope I will teach them to deal with the grief better than I am...but I do want to live so they will miss me immensely. I hope you continue to reach out, to write your letters. I will! I WILL! <br />
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P.S. We really can change the world...ONE letter at a time!<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-57357388165044760182012-05-15T21:21:00.001-07:002012-05-15T21:25:41.086-07:00Worth the work and the wait...Months ago I got out my little peet pots. I planted my seeds and I prepared the garden beds with help from the children and my sweet heart. Up until today, we had only enjoyed the snap peas. They were very good, but we were excited to find a zucchini ready and a whole strainer full of fresh green beans. So guess what we ate with the chicken tonight? I am a firm believer that vegetables taste better when they are home grown. And I can get all my children to eat veggies from our garden better than anything that comes from the store. It was so yummy! We enjoyed fruits of so many hours of labor. Planting, watering, weeding...but the fruit was sweet...well in this case not really sweet...but so good! <br />
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Like a good garden, anything that matters takes time and effort. A good marriage: Time and Effort. A good relationship: Siblings, Spouse, Children, Parents... Time and Effort. A good job: Time, Effort AND a good attitude. The better I am to my garden the better my garden is to me. The same could be said for relationships too. So the next time you enjoy your veggies take a moment to ponder all the work that went into them. And then, think about what you can do to get more out of your life, relationships and endeavors.<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-44132394430668782592012-05-14T19:52:00.002-07:002012-05-14T19:52:19.335-07:00Life...It's about putting the pieces back together...Yesterday I had a delightful Mother's Day. My husband made the evening really special and let me take a 2 hour nap too. The gifts I was given were such a surprise. I received a beautiful butterfly necklace from my daughter (she paid for), lunch out (today) with my oldest son (he paid), and 5 Willow Tree figurines from my husband and children. I love each one. I have a couple Willow Tree pieces I have collected over the years. The first piece was from my sister J.L. (my older brother's wife). I cherish it and though it was meant to be a Christmas piece I keep it out all year. It reminds me of them and makes me smile...It's name is angel of wonder. The second piece I call my darling #2 son's. He was about 2 when he broke it in the store and I paid for it and brought it home. Fortunately it only fell into 3 pieces, was easily fixed and always reminds me that CHILDREN are more important that figurines. We still laugh about that one! Then there is the piece I cherish...It is called Tenderness and it is a mother holding a child (about 18 months old). My mother's best friend bought it for me when my mother passed away. Last year my "second Mom" bought me a piece called Close to me...it is a Mother and Daughter and she got it to remind me of my mommy and I. My darling husband added 5 more beautiful pieces to the collection of Husband and wife, Mother and children and parents and newborn. Each is beautiful, each is loved. But the two pieces that were gifts to remind me of my mother are the most sentimental.<br />
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Today I decided to arrange all my Willow Trees together. I got out the dust cloth and moved my pieces carefully. Then the nightmare began. As I wiped the glass shelf in my cabinet it came loose and fell... It didn't just fall, it fell on two of my pieces. As I looked down at the floor 5 feet below I don't know how the new piece my husband bought me didn't break into a million pieces...maybe it is in the name...It is called Promise. But there was my Tenderness...all over the floor in shards, a pile of pieces. I threw myself to the floor and began to weep. Only two of my children were home and I began to cry and scream... Just give mommy a minute PLEASE!!! They left the room crying and I thought, "Some kind of Tender mom I am." But the tears continued. The pain of Mother's Day and not having my mom with me bubbled over and I could not contain it. I cried and cried. Then I went to the computer to order some NEW TENDERNESS...because obviously I needed some. <br />
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I heard my four year old in the back ground saying no, no, stay here. Then my 2 year old said, "I want to see mommy, she is sad, she is sad!" <br />
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My husband came home to the pile on the floor and offered to sweep it up, encouraging me to press the purchase button, stop crying over spilled milk and be done, move on. <br />
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But something compelled me not to do that. I went to the pieces and sat on the floor. Soon it became evident that though it would never be the same and there would be a mystery hole in the back of the piece from pieces that either I could not find or were too small... maybe the sweet spot that hit the ground first...I got the glue and went to work.<br />
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There is no denying that "Tenderness" will never be the same. But 5 feet in the air, with a glowing light behind her and her babe...I doubt you would know if you visited...that is, unless you got really close. In the back of her dress there is a gaping hole. I could not hide the hurt or the destruction that occurred. <br />
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There are really two lessons here (maybe even more...but two I will share...)<br />
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1st Lesson: Life is about putting back the pieces. I am a lot like "Tenderness." My mothers death left all of us children like shards of glass, in piles of pain. Why? Because she loved us so and losing her was a GREAT loss. But I have such faith in my chance to see her again. I know that I will. And it doesn't make the missing ok, or even make me feel better some days, but it makes it bareable...almost. Life is rough! There are breaks, cracks, pains, loss, hurts and saddness. But we can put the pieces back together. Sure, it will never be the same (in this life), but it can still be something good, something beautiful. Just like my "Tenderness" still can bring me some peace, light and joy. And honestly, with her hurts and scars, I think I might love and appreciate her even more.<br />
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2nd Lesson: We can't always see the cracks, the gaping holes in the heart, the broken dreams of those we meet. So be kind. Seek to build. My mom used to say, "Be a light, not a judge." I love that. As the dim light in my cabinet behind "Tenderness" illuminates the quality of beauty she still has, it will remind me to Be a Light. Because REALLY Life is about putting the pieces back together...again, and again, and again...<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-34476990625836862262012-05-13T07:34:00.001-07:002012-05-13T08:07:50.786-07:00No Fancy Breakfast Please...<div style="text-align: left;">
1st things first...for those that read my blog (and I know that is a small few...but to me a very important few), thank you for being patient. I have been on a hiatus. I still owe you some "gratitude days" for April...which I may or may not get to. I have been in a bit of a funk the past couple weeks. But would be ungrateful not to post on Mother's Day. I am so blessed in that category of my life.</div>
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Yesterday when my sweetheart was planning out my Mother's Day dinner (in the last 13 years he has become quite the chef...Yeah me!!!), he said, what about Breakfast?...Do you want a fancy breakfast? Immediately I responded, No thanks, cereal and oatmeal will be fine. Just help me get the children ready for church. He readily agreed to do so. </div>
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What I forgot is that my husband's fun job (LOL for those who know him) has brought him into work for the past 4 Mother's Day mornings. Yep, fun stuff! The second year it happened my daughter said to him when he got up... Daddy, mommy made you breakfast in bed on Mother's Day and let you sleep. Maybe you could do that for her on Father's Day. I <strike>secretly, no not so much</strike> , I openly laughed outloud. When I heard something beeping this morning I said, What time is it? It's 6:15am. Don't get up, I really don't want breakfast... Honey, he replied, it's a call out, I have to get up...and there he went. I am not mad at him. He provides the breakfast, lunch and dinner on our table. He works really hard and he is such a good husband, father and my best friend. But I confess I was a little bummed. Hopefully his call is quick and my dinner comes off flawless. I can't wait.</div>
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I am thankful for the Mother's of my life. First I am thankful for my angel Mother. I miss her so much. She gave me life (I don't mean my body, though she helped God bring it here) I mean she gave me life...laughter, memories, birthday parties, help with homework, reading tutorials, stories, cooking and cleaning lessons, lessons in love, lessons in forgiveness, lessons in grieving and loss, lessons about families being together forever. She was the giver of life, she worked hand in hand with God to strengthen me til the day she died. I miss her terribly.</div>
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I am thankful for the many women, many mothers that God has placed in my life at key times to strengthen and bless me. Especially with the loss of my mom he blessed me with Moms/Grandmas for myself and my children. This small group of women know whom they are and they bless our lives and our world with their unconditional love, hugs and support! Thank you to my borrowed moms. I cherish the gift they are in my life.</div>
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To my friends that aren't only moms, but have mothered me...my sisters (after mom, and then dad's passing), my dear TFF for giving me the mothering advice I lack at times now, for giving me the encouragement, the pep talks, and for believing in me.</div>
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I believe regardless of circumstance...as women we can all be moms. We can all cultivate joy, love and learning in others. That is the true spirit of motherhood. To each of the women that have mothered me throughout my life, to the congregation of women I grew up with that helped my mother raise me (some say it takes a village, for me it took a congregation) Thank you! I know I turned out ok because of you...all of you! Wildomar Congregation was magic that way!!!</div>
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So I sit this morning waiting for my sweetheart to return...In the mean time I wanted to share the Mother's Day Essay I wrote for a contest on one of my favorite blogs. <b><i><u>It</u></i></b> didn't win, but I did...writing it was a blessing to me!</div>
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True motherhood comes in many shapes, sizes, colors and labels: we hear...real, adoptive, biological, single, birth, step, foster, and even "second" mom. But none of these labels MAKES a woman a mother. And I am going out on a limb here, but I don't even believe that children MAKE a woman a mother. And I have seen childless mothers that nuture everyone around them enough to know...that being a woman with children is possible and being a mother without children is possible. Today, I honor all the mothering, loving, giving women of the world. True mothering comes from a string of choices and sacrifices all woven together in love. She tackles the difficult and the seemingly impossible. She loves the wayward child, no matter how hateful the words are that escape their mouth.</div>
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A true mom sees beyond the smoke screens and mirrors of both the actions and the body of children. Whether they are beautiful by the "world's standards" or deal with deformities that would make some judge them or turn away...She truly looks on them with eyes that see God's beautiful handiwork. How? Because she sees the heart, she sees the potential and the abilities of children. She knows them so well that one look in the eyes of the children she loves can speak volumes to her. The eyes can't lie.</div>
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She teaches children that real beauty comes from goodness. The better they choose to be, the kinder, the gentler...the more beautiful they will become. Her greatest desire is to elevate the children in her life to attain their full potential in this life and beyond. When she looks upon the children God has blessed her to influence and love, she sees endless potential to change the world.</div>
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During the six o'clock news you can find her weeping at the tragic loss of another woman's child. Not because it could have been the children she loves, but because she genuinely is filled with sympathy and love for that dear mother.</div>
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True mothering comes not with a bucket of love, but a well of love that taps into an endless reservoir. She may lose her temper, even yell or lose control at times. However, the earnest endeavor of her heart is to be more patient, and have peace in her life. Often she is very judgmental...but the person she judges over and over is herself. She sees her imperfections under a microscrope and always believes she could do better. Although, ironically she is brilliant at using the same scientific tool to magnify the strengths of others.</div>
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Her heart, arms and home are open. Whether she occupies a palace or a hut...whether her feast looks like Thanksgiving, or is meager at most...she would give it all for the ones she loves. Why, because she is motivated by love. Her greatest desire is the happiness of those that she loves and serves and she receives great joy and fulfillment in nurturing them. IF she is wise, she takes time to fill her own bucket as well, for this is how her reservoir remains plentiful. But it might take her some time, even feelings of selfishness to realize that she can not always put herself last. My mother used to say, "An empty bucket bares no water." This is motherhood to me. I am grateful I was raised by a truly loving mother, and I am grateful for the many mothers of my life.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: large;"> </span></div>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-86915537161359724702012-04-24T06:30:00.000-07:002012-04-24T06:30:04.801-07:00April Gratitude Day Twenty...Day TWENTY...<br />
April has just swept by. Infact, I don't know where the first 1/3 of the year has gone. I am grateful that in the middle of this hectic and crazy world, I have been given the opportunity to be a mother. What a beautiful blessing that has been. The first time I became a mother was in April. I am so thankful for those sweet, little blessings in my life!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-52098765650970190342012-04-23T05:34:00.000-07:002012-04-23T05:34:00.461-07:00April Gratitude Day Nineteen...Day Nineteen...<br />
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Do you have a "Happy Place"? <br />
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I am grateful for my happy place. That is my Day Nineteen. I don't get to go to my happy place as often as I would like, but when I am there it is pure heaven. When I am not able to go there in person, I take my heart for trips there until I can visit again. My happy place is with people I love. It is down time. Vacations with family, extended family and dear friends are right up my happy place alley...(especially those that don't include sick children or puke...I can be happy even through that...but I don't prefer it). I love the chances to escape to my happy place.<br />
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So think about it...what is your happy place. Do you allow yourself to be happy? Do you give yourself a chance to surround yourself with people that nourish your soul? If you don't, you should consider it. I am a crazy Mary Poppins when I get to be in my happy place. One spoonful of my "happy place" sugar can last through a lot of the medicine of life!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6400635180053283304.post-87785135845836666772012-04-22T05:36:00.000-07:002012-04-22T05:36:00.863-07:00April Gratitude Day Eighteen...Day EIGHTEEN...<br />
Here I am with another Sweet Sabbath...<br />
I am thankful for weather. I am thankful for rain and sun, seasons, change. Like our lives, the weather is something we can not control. There is a wealth of lessons in accepting and appreciating the weather. We don't always get what we want. I can't tell you the times I have rushed five beautiful children out of the house toward church in the pouring rain. Or finished our Sunday meetings to find that it is pouring in the parking lot on the day we parked toward the back. It is times like these where true character is tried and tested. Cursing the rain teaches nothing. We need to learn to dance in it, if not in reality, at least figuratively. There are lessons that come with the course of our life. Some of those lessons are of the most painful and bitter cup. But from my hurts, sorrows and loss I have become a gentler, kinder and more compassionate person. As I embrace the "weather" of my life...come rain or shine...or even Hail storms or Hurricane...I become the person I want to be. I become a person filled with gratitude, calm and trust in eternity. If I believed that this life is all I had, I would of all people be MOST MISERABLE. But because I embrace something so much greater, so much more than just NOW... I can embrace the "Weather" too. So on Day Eighteen...I am thankful for the weather of my life, temporally and metaphorically!<br />
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Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04363727029823341377noreply@blogger.com0