Tonight I went to a semi-annual conference that I attend nearly every January and June. It was wonderful and motivational. But more than anything it got me thinking. I thought about who I am and who I want to be. I thought about where I have been and where I still want to go...metaphorically and physically. Hawaii is STILL on the list, another trip to Ireland would be lovely, and Alaska with my sweetheart would fill a dream. But beyond that...where am I headed, where have I been. Have I done my best, can I give a little more?
Having buried two parents when I was just 35, and 38 (just months ago)...I wonder if I am unusal in my thought process. For I think often about my funeral some day. I wonder if the chapel will be full or empty. I wonder what will be said about my life and if I will be worthy of the praise that often follows death. Have you ever noticed how sometimes even the meanest of temperments are elevated to saintly status upon death. Frankly, I want no false accolates. And in order to live worthy of praise, love, and support...while examining myself tonight I realized there are some things I could do better. We are all our worst critics I suppose. While it may appear so, I have NO desire to self depricate. I merely suggest that I could do a little more, be a little better, be a little kinder, be a little more grateful, a little more patient, a little more loving, a little more forgiving. Not all at once, but if I work on it, a little at a time, I will get better and better. Looking back, I clearly see my flaws and imperfections. Sometimes they haunt me like threatening skeletons pounding on the inner door of my closet. But I refuse to let them control me. I have come a long way! And though the road has not been completely traveled, and the journey is not over, I am pleased with the progress. Gratitude though has poured over me tonight, with the recognition that I still have what my parents no longer do in this life...Time to get even better, to do even more good, to reach out, to lift, to help, to support, to strengthen, to love.
The most important thing in life is not where we have been. It is substantial. The past does shape us. But it does not irrevocably define us. The MOST important thing IS the direction in which we are headed! That will be a great determining factor in where we ultimately end up! So square your shoulders, chin up...you are fabulous, you have control of your direction. You have totally got this!
Changing the world...ONE letter at a time!